Between Me, Myself and I ....

 
This is the song I will have on my IPOD to do the 42k and listen to it over and over because the only person I need to convince right now is myself!

I had my MRI on my knee today so hopefully I will have some answers tomorrow!

Broken Spirit

I’m not even sure where to start with this post. It’s been a brutal week and after 3 days I am finally able to actually write about what has been going on. I have felt like my body is slowly letting me down and breaking and I have been trying my hardest to keep my spirits up. My mind is definitely not in the same space as my body. It’s weird because why should I be so surprised to find myself in this situation??? I was clearly pushing my body, training with bootcamp, run/walk training 4-5 tiimes a week and I shouldn’t be surprised it has come to a screeching hault. On Monday I set out to do 24km but at the 21k mark my knees couldn’t take anymore. I called hubby to come and get me off my route and frustrated as ever I headed home. I knew I was in pain but that’s really nothing new for me, I always have some pain but this time the pain took hold of my spirit and mentally I broke down.

I guess I needed a voice of reason because a very good friend of mine decided it was time to tell it like it is! That was a hard conversation to hear because I knew it was all true and that I would have to slow things down but it was a breaking point for me. I cried and I wasn’t sure why I was crying, was it because I was in so much physical pain or was it the mental pain I was feeling because I felt like I was failing at what I set out to do. Right now the end is so close yet so far away. I found a quote by -Vince Lombardi, I have no idea who he is..lol but the quote was so fitting for what I am feeling right now … “The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender! “ I need to complete this journey one way or another and so I have to face the fact that I may have to walk another entire marathon. I didn’t want to walk the entire thing but the truth is, I don’t think at this point there is any possible way I can run anymore. So time to pysche myself up to be out on the course for 8 hours yet again! Thank goodness my teamie Tracy will be there this time to walk it with me, it won’t be as lonely as the last marathon I did!

So for now I am on limited activity as I try and get some of the swelling and inflammation down in my knee. I’m slowly getting the feeling back in my foot. I guess with so much swelling it’s pushing on the nerves and causing the numbness and tingling. I have seen my family Dr who has put in a referral to see my surgeon that did my previous knee surgeries but I have no idea how long it’s going to take to get in and see him. It doesn’t really matter anyway because seeing him isn’t going to change the fact that I can’t run. I’m actually afraid to see him before the marathon because I’m scared to death he might say I can’t even walk it and that would completely devastate me.

A friend posted a picture on facebook about being Successful and under the picture of the straightline it says “what people think it looks like” and then under the picture of the very twisted squiggly line it says “what it really looks like!” It is soooo true and I can’t thank my friends and family enough right now as they support me through that squiggly line!

TV interview

Check out the link from my TV interview on Global this morning for Arthritis Awareness month! I'm so not good being on TV ... I was a nervous wreck and my heart was pounding out of my chest! (You'll see it ...lol) I love telling people about our cause and Joints in Motion.. Just NOT on TV..lol! Watching the video is really hard and my heart starts to beat out of my chest just watchig it!! But it's all for a good cause so if one person that has Arthritis signs up to do a marathon because I inspired them, that's awesome. That's exactly what I want... to be an inspiration!

http://www.globaltvcalgary.com/video/arthritis+awareness+month/video.html?v=2277120203&p=1&s=dd#morningnews/video/special+guests

Recovering ...

Well that sucked!!!!!!!!!! I ended up with a nasty flu/cold and have been knocked on my butt all week. Yesterday I ventured out to do a short run, it ended up being about 4km. I decided not to go with the group downtown because I wasn't sure how far I could go and I knew it was going to be a slow go, so thought it was better to just venture out on my own close to home! Today I managed to do 14.5km and didn't collapse at the end so I would like to think I'm on the road to recovery. :-) I so did not need that little hiccup in my training but it is what it is and onward I go! :-) My training partner is back from holidays so Melissa did the last 4.5km with me today! YAY only the first 10k were lonely and boring...LOL! Although I have to say doing the intervals does make the time go alittle faster. :-) So I have 2 half marathons coming up to incorporate into my training and keep me on track! :-) I will be doing the harvest half at the end of September and then the Okanagan half at Thanksgiving! Only 56 days until the Lausanne Marathon ... exciting and nervous at the same time!!

Excited that hubby has decided to be my companion on the trip to do the full marathon. He wasn't able to be there for my fist full marathon in Athens, so I'm pretty excited he's gonna be there this time. I think he's only going this time so he can keep an eye on me so I don't go and get another race tattoo like I did in Athens...LOL!!!
Will be fun! We will have a supporter there to hold up our Arth-Kickers banner when we all cross the finish line!! :-) I wonder if he will wear a pink Arth-Kicker team shirt too...LMAO!!! Guess I might have to make him his own "Arth-Kicker Supporter" shirt!!
Countdown: 27 days to harvest half marathon in Calgary ... 35 days to Okanagan half marathon in Kelowna ... 56 days to Luasanne full marathon in Switzerland!! As one of my best friends would say "Giddy Up" !! :-)